I have often referred to taking care of my elderly mother as a journey. One I am sharing with her as she travels deeper into dementia and the final stage of her life. It has been a bittersweet journey. One filled with great joy and great sadness.
She is not exhibiting any behavior that is out of the norm. And one of the lessons I have learned is that dementia can be very predictable. Loss of short-term memory. Confusion in unfamiliar surroundings. Anxiety over the loss of both mental and physical abilities.
The longer I have traveled this road, the easier it has been to define the patterns of decline. Typically, we roll merrily along at status quo, then we slam dunk into a downward spiral where her mental abilities plunge. Then we hit a plateau and roll merrily along again. Then we repeat the cycle.
Over the past two months my mother has been in a severe downward spiral which has taken me to a much higher level of concern. Her short-term memory is almost completely shot. Her anxiety level is increasing at an alarming rate. This combo sets her into a repetitive cycle of activity, because she can no longer retain any memory of a recent activity.
When she pings the nurses at the assisted living facility, asking them repeatedly throughout the day for her medications…and they reassure her, once again, that she has already received them…that is par for their course. Because the nursing staff considers responding to my mother and the other residents, who are also exhibiting the same symptoms of dementia, as simply a part of their daily duties. No worries.
But when my mother swears she hears a fan whirring in her room, or a buzzing sound or a clicking noise coming from the thermostat which regulates her heating and air conditioning…and she keeps insisting that the maintenance staff come fix it…this is not par for their course. Because the maintenance staff does not consider responding to four calls a day from my mother…simply to reassure her that all is the same as it was two hours ago…as a normal function in the course of their normal day.
So, how do I fix this? How do I find a solution? What can I do? The answer is simple: nothing.
There is no magic button to push to make this go away. While there are medications available to alleviate her anxiety, the side affects may far outweigh any benefits. So, once again I find myself swirling around in this downward spiral, watching my mother spin further and further away. Only now, she is making it difficult for the folks who are caring for her. And that is a problem and one that does need to be addressed. So, I am once again relying on the professionals…working with our family doctor and the head nurse at my mother’s facility, to determine where we go from here.
I am also relying on my personal support staff. Friends who have already traveled this road with their parents. Gal pals who have already taken this journey with their mothers and come to the end of their road. Their reassurance that I am still on track and heading in the right direction has been comforting.
I know I am doing all that I can. I know this stage in my journey is par for my course. And I know that my road ahead will only get bumpier.