My short, albeit welcome, reprieve from my responsibilities for my elderly mother came to an end with my visit with her yesterday. Overall, she was a happy camper. But did slam-dunk me as I walked into her room and before I even had a chance to say hello. She was obsessing over the instructions on how many times a day to use the special toothpaste the dentist had given her three months ago. So, I addressed her concerns, then said hello and gave her a hug and kiss.
After that, it was a typical visit, as I put away her clean laundry and a myriad of her personal care items. Our conversation ran to the usual topics, regurgitating them in what has become the usual cycle of repetitiveness.
I did run into Head Nurse Kay as I was heading to my mother’s room. Kay said that my mother has seemed less anxious since she has been on a new medication to help with her most recent and higher level of anxiety. But she is still obsessing about what she perceives to be a new and mysterious fan noise in her room from the heating and air conditioning system. And is still bothering the maintenance guys multiple times a day. Kay said the nursing and maintenance staff have developed a new plan, where a maintenance guy will pop into my mother’s room once a day, instead of four or five times a day like they had been doing.
As I left my mother’s facility, I felt the same sense of sadness that I have been for quite a while now. This feeling has become as familiar as an old friend. A very high-maintenance friend, who needs to be constantly reassured and cajoled and sweet-talked into submission.
And that’s okay. Because I know this feeling will only continue to gain strength as time passes. As long as I can continue to embrace it, I can continue to manage it. And by manage it, I mean accept it for what it is, and find new methods to cope.
So, I am back in the saddle again. Rockin’ to and fro. And going my way the best way I know how.